Well, I'm off to see the Wizard...

'K actually I'm off to Daytona for the weekend. My best friend and her family have moved on from Kissimmee to there before they're going to take their flight back home. I hate driving and that's a long trip from here (at least three hours, I think) so send me positive thoughts and prayers for a safe trip to and from.

Catch up with me on Monday for the next edition of Monday Mayberry Madness.

Words I never expected to utter, drunk or sober: "I'm a Cocktail!"

Near teetotaler that I am, it seems odd to compare myself to a drink, but Kandy did it, so, being the copycat that I am, I did it too!

And I qualify as...

Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Meanwhile, I must apologize for the lack of a "Monday Mayberry Moment" yesterday. Between first being busy with school going back, son's birthday, depression, and then recovery and applying for the substitute teacher position, there's either been no Mayberry Moments or I've just been too self absorbed to take notice. But I have a good one for next week and I'll bed developing it over the next few days.

My best friend, with whom I've been friends since the 3rd grade, Chris, has flown in from Jersey and is only here for a week. My posts may be sporadic for just a little longer. Today I'm doing all my housework and re-organizing my closets and storage in my bedroom. Tomorrow I'll be doing my prep work for the tamales I'm serving for dinner Thursday night -there's nothing like 8 for dinner. Tamales are time consuming. I'll do all the assembly and prep tomorrow then stick the stockpot into the fridge until Thursday afternoon when I'll take them out to stick 'em on the stove to steam.

I also have to mow this afternoon -Can you hear me cringing? And put our new mattress in our bedroom. I wouldn't let the unsavory looking delivery guys put it in the bedroom. I had them leave it in the foyer. I don't want them checking the place out for their homies who'll come and rob me next week. And I made sure I tipped them enough to stop for some lunch -gotta keep the scary ones happy. LOL. Actually, they were kind, polite, professional, etc., -they just looked like they might have all the wrong friends, if ya know what I mean.

Okay, I'm off to boil the chicken for the tamales and clean the house.

If I don't have

THE BEST READERS/FRIENDS in the whole world, I don't know who does. Thanks to everyone who expressed concern, gave encouragement, advice, and shared their own "tragedies." Nothing hurts so deeply as family troubles -particularly when it's your own Mother doing it to ya. I'm feeling a lot better. I don't think I'll ever be completely okay with the way things are, but I'm not depressed anymore and I feel okay with shutting off that chapter of my life for a while. If you pray, please pray that they move farther away -that would make all of this a lot easier. Now you know one of the pitfalls of living in a small town.

In other news, with all of the positive thoughts and prayers coming from all of you special people and my real world friends, something pretty cool has happened. I don't know if you're aware, but I spend approximately 1 to 2 hours a day sitting in a lineup outside of the elementary school waiting to pick up my son every day. The line usually stretches for about 1/4 of a mile out of the very long school driveway. I like to be the first one in line so I always get there obnoxiously early and sit eating my lunch, read a book, take care of correspondence, etc., etc. Well that was last year. This year the secretaries didn't like to see me out there in this gosh-awful heat. They asked me to come inside to the AC. They said they had stuff I could help with if I wanted. I agreed -I like helping others -especially in the Air Conditioning (LOL).

I've been helping them for about two weeks now. Just the other day they said, "HR Lady, have you ever thought about being a substitute teacher?" In working with me every day they've learned my various skills and decided I'd be a great substitute teacher. So I asked about the particulars and learned it wouldn't be too hard to get started. I was very excited. Don't know if I've ever told you people, but I always wanted to be a teacher. In high school my teachers talked me out of it. Told me there was no money in it.

Now that I've been a stay at home Mom for a while, I've got my housecleaning routines down to no time at all (thanks to Scooterdeb and the Fly Lady) , with the kid in school there's very little to do in the house, and I miss my old Human Resources income -afterall, 95% of my income was luxury money; hubby payed all the bills. I don't want a full-time job and I still want to be home when kiddio is home. The substitute teacher job is perfect for me. I only work when I want to work. If they call and I have things to do or just don't feel like it I just tell them I'm already busy. I'll still be able to dedicate time to volunteer work for the church. I'll still be able to maintain my secret identities -HR Lady, Mega Mom, Wonder Wife, Happy Homemaker, Courageous Catholic and Voluptious Volunteer, but I'll also be earning a little fun money without asking hubby for money. And I'll feel more productive. I'll have more direct contact with other adults (and more children). I'll probably find more to blog about -the political crap of working with others, the antics of children, the interaction with parents, the apalling wardrobes of some of the mothers that show up at the school (don't they care if they embarrass the crap out of their kids?).

Well, that's my good news.

Why hasn't HR Lady gotten back to posting everyday like she used to?

The short answer? I'm depressed. I'm fighting really hard against the depression, but it's a losing battle. All I want to do is sleep and eat.

The thing causing my depression is beyond my control. I think that just makes it worse for a control freak like me. I really don't know how to end the depression. It's making me feel like a big failure. I'm not telling you for sympathy. I'm not suicidal and crying for help. I'm just unbearably sad.

It's because of a highly disfunctional relationship with my mother. It has nothing to do with anything I've done wrong. In fact, I think I've been a pretty good kid to her -I was always an honor student, worked hard, Christian, family person, never did drugs, was never much of a drinker, never tried to sponge off of her, always tried to please her. Technically, it's not even my mother's fault. She had a bad childhood -horrible like they write movies about. I think it's caused some mental illness. Unfortunately, the brunt of her problems hits me and NOT my brother and sister. I don't think she even realizes it, but it's obvious from her actions and words that she resents me. Blames me for all of the problems in her adult life. Even envies me because my life appears to be going well for me. I know it sounds ridiculous for me to say these things, but other people have picked up on it.

I've tried very hard to be understanding. Tried to make it clear to her that she needs help (in a gently way). I've put up with her cutting me out of her life completely for months at a time -not speaking to me at all and influencing my deadbeat brother and sister who live with her to do the same. I've put up with her trying to punch me in the face and hit me (I usually just back out of her line of fire) because I wouldn't argue with her. I've put up with her verbal abuse. I've put up with her twisting my words. I've put up with her disrespecting me. I've put up with her being insulting and verbally abusive toward me in front of my child. I have seen the impact that has on my husband and child. I know that the best thing is to keep away from her. But it's destroying me.

Please don't feel obligated to make sympathetic noises. Please don't think you're getting only one side of the story. I just had to get this out of me. I'm hoping it will help me break away from this depression. I've been through counseling. I'm done with that. Counselors and priests both have suggested I maintain my distance from her for my own mental health. I know that's what's best for me. It's just really hard to deal with having a mother and not having a mother. If anyone else has had a similar experience and wants to share, or knows someone else who did and wants to share, I'm open to that. I feel like a freak knowing my mother doesn't love me. She hates me. It's awful.

Monday Mayberry Moment or, "The Baptists are Coming! The Baptists are Coming!"

Yeah, had to skip the last two Monday Mayberry Moments between illness and the start of school and a huge birthday party. Sorry about that.

So this week's Monday Mayberry Moment brings us right to the front door of HR Lady's humble abode. Two weeks ago, only hours after posting that week's Monday Mayberry Moment, there came a knock on the door. I was in the master bath talking to hubby while he shaved. Small son was in the dining room playing (don't know why, since toys aren't allowed in my dining room). He yelled, "Mom, somebodies at the door."

I headed toward the dining room yelling, "Well, is it anybody we know?" He said, "I don't know. They're in a car. There's tons of them. They're all over the street."

Choking back laughter as I came into the dining room envisioning thousands of door to door salespeople scurrying up and down the street like ants. I stood across the room and looked out through the bay window. There were indeed tons of them. Whoever had been at our door had already walked away. These people were at the doors or walking toward the homes of every one of my neighbors. I went and opened my door thinking I'd try to find out what was going on.

When I opened my door, I looked down and saw PAMPHLETS. "Aha!, " I thought to myself, "Jehova's Witnesses!!!" But, boy was I ever fooled! Apparently the Foot Washin' Baptists are now so desperate to fill their church that they've got to come knockin' door to door at dinner time.

Shame I didn't answer the door in time. They love to lecture me on how wrong we Catlics are to be baptizin' our babies. That we worship Mary (We don't worship her -some people are just too ignorant to try to understand differences in religions, cultures, etc.) and a multitude of other sins. They frequently forget to "judge not lest ye be judged," "brother take the beam from your eye, before you help me to remove the splinter from mine."

Oh well. That's all I've got for this week. It probably would have been a lot more amusing if I'd actually spent time educating, er uh, talking to the Baptists, but I didn't need my feet washed that night.

Hurricane Charlie

It's looking real bad. They canceled school. It's now heading straight for us. I am VERY scared. And really worried for anyone who lives in a trailer. We're trying to get our Church friend, Miss Bea, to come stay with us. Her retirement home is a trailer. We tried unsuccessfully last night to persuade her to stay with us. We're going to try again today. The forecasts are grim. They're saying trailers will be torn apart. Windows blown out. I'm terrified. I'm praying. Pray for all of us here in Florida.

The birthday party was a terrific success. Everyone came who promised to. The kid received tons of great gifts and more than $100 in cash. Father Peter, our parish priest, played air hockey with the kids. He was so funny. We all shared hurricane preparedness tips. We all shared our fears. We checked on our friends plans. The last guests didn't leave 'til 11:30. I was up 'til 1:30 putting all the lawn furniture, etc., into the shed. I got woke up at 7:30 by a friend calling to check on our readiness for the storm.

No I Haven't Dropped Off the Face of the Earth

Sorry. I've been a really lousy blogger lately. First I was really really sick. Then it was getting ready for the first day of school. Now the first day of school was two days ago and I'm busy as a one-armed paper hanger.

I've been planning a party -with 21 invited guests- for my son's 9th birthday. Only four of the guests will be children. The rest are all of his many "adopted grandparents" from Church. And our priest. If you want to feel pressure, let your son invite the priest to his birthday party.

Tomorrow is the Kid's 9th Birthday. He's 9 going on 29. I think he's going to make out like a bandit on this birthday.

Today I finally took Scooterdeb's advice. I shined my sink. It's freakin' sparkling. But everytime I turn around I come across another dish or cup to rinse out. I'm going to have to get the flylady book.

Hads, I'm not sure if there was a Haloscan problem. Maybe it was just f-in' HTML! ;)

Church Picnic 2004

I'm exhausted. Got up at 3:00 a.m. to get ready to go to the park and claim the Pavillions for our Church Picnic. In our town we have a beautiful park with very nice facilities, grills, Covered picnic areas, etc., but there's no reservations allowed. It's first come, first served. So three of us Church ladies showed up there bright and early (4:45 a.m.) to put up signs and start scrubbing picnic tables and cleaning up the bathrooms.

It wasn't too terribly hot until late in the afternoon and by then everything was winding up. My feet are killing me and I'm pretty sleepy. But I feel pretty good.

Yesterday I picked up a copy of "The Butterfly Effect" at the video store. We'll probably watch that this afternoon. I'll let you know if we like it or not. Last night we watched "The Whole Ten Yards" with Bruce Willis and Matt Perry. I thought it was a dull disappointment. The guys thought it was good. I was so bored that I got up and went for a soak in the tub after the first 15 minutes. I'll have to try to make myself watch it again. They claim all the good parts came after I got in the tub. We'll see.

I'm Baa-aack!

I'm mostly all better now. Thanks everyone for all your well wishes. It's been a miserable week. I'm not one to get sick for a long period. Usually I'll fight whatever ails me in record time. I have no patience for being ill. This time no matter how hard I fought, it kept coming back at me.

Maybe it was a sign that I needed some more rest. Who knows? It just makes me twice as glad that I shop Sam's Club, cuz it meant I had gigantic packs of every kind of food, so no worries about these guys starvin' while Mom was sick. The kid was wonderful, kept feeling my forehead and making me tea, bringing drinks, calling Dad at work with updates, etc, etc,. I started worrying about me when after being particularly violently ill one night I saw hubby looking at me with worried eyes. He's such a punkin'! He wanted to take me to the hospital two or three days ago -he couldn't believe I couldn't even keep down crackers and tea.

A word to the wise... If you've been really ill for days and are finally starting to feel better, don't decide that you want to mow the lawn in the 93 degree/90% humidity -it will definitely result in a relapse. Hubby wanted to know what I was thinking. I was thinking the lawn looked like hell and I'm going to be very busy this weekend with the Church Picnic and Monday with my Ladies Auxiliary meeting and Tuesday is the first day of school. Anyway, I decided to postpone this week's Monday Mayberry Moment until next Monday.

I'll have to think of something else to post about besides being sick.

Moan, whine...

I'm sick. I'll give you the latest Monday Mayberry Moment as soon as I start to feel human again.