Friday, October 14, 2005

Can I just tell you?

NO TWO BABIES ARE ALIKE -even if they do have the same mother.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, all of the older women at church kept telling me this when I would tell them what a good baby Oldest Child was.  And I just smiled and nodded and didn't really listen too closely.  I should have believed them.

Oldest Child was a product of my first marriage -his father hasn't been seen or heard from since I left him.  He was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abusive and an alcoholic who refused to get help.  I was in constant depression and misery while married to him.  But Oldest Child was a joy of a baby.  Quiet, sweet, and easy to care for.

New Baby?  NOT SO MUCH!  New baby is fussy, stubborn, and has to have every little thing just so.  If you're even holding your arm in what he feels is the wrong way he will cry at you.  If his blanket isn't on him just so he fusses.  If, as I'm nursing him, his arm is at his side instead of digging his little baby razor nails into  my flesh he screams indignantly.  Don't get me wrong.  I love him to pieces.  Absolutely adore him. 

It's just that since I was in an extremely stressful situation when Oldest Child was born and for his whole first year and I am now in an incredibly loving and nurturing place in my life now, I really thought that meant that Vincent would be an even easier baby.  NOT A BIT.

And because little guy is so fussy about every little thing, it's not always easy to figure out just what the heck he's crying about at any given moment.  First check the diaper, then feed, then burp, then what?  Is he bored again?  It only seems to take him 5 minutes to become bored with where he's at, how he's positioned, etc.  Is he overtired?  Overstimulated?  Understimulated?  Wants to be held?  Wants to be put down?  It's not colic, he doesn't fit the profile for that.  Sometimes I wonder if we've spoiled him already, but I really don't think that's it.  I'm at a complete loss.  I know all this will pass, but the real question is... Will I survive it all?



Sunday, October 02, 2005


Spammers have found my site.  Anyone of my usual readers no how to eliminate that problem?  If you comment on my blogger comments I'll be able to get in touch with you.

A very annoyed and tired but otherwise well,