Merry Christmas to All and to ALL Goodwill toward man!

Merry Christmas EVERYONE!

I hope Santa has given you everything you requested (within reason). May God shower you with blessings in the New Year and for many years to come.

See ya next year! ;)

PS: Down 27 1/2 lbs!!!!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so glad that I haven't hit a dreaded plateau yet. I HAD hoped to be done to my "fighting weight" by the end of January, but now I'm shooting for a more realistic goal of my birthday -and I refuse to make that a New Year's Resolution -particularly since I found my resolve in early October.

KFC gives me eyestrain

So I received this e-mail from KFC that invites me to view some kind of logo that is supposed to be visible from space. I squinted and rotated the image and zoomed in and out a kajillion times and couldn't find anything. I left the page open and went to get the 11 year old from school, looked at it for a second and noticed something right away. Then it took me another hour and a half before I was able to figure out exactly how to zoom into exactly the right spot in the exactly right magnification -okay maybe I'm a big dummy, I don't know. But if you don't want to go through all that, just comment me and I'll give you the answer.

Or, if you want to go through the agony, go here:
http://www.kfc.com/facefromspace/default.asp

Gardening is Therapeutic

mmmmmmm... The curative effects of gardening are really curative -for the soul at least, can't say the same for my bank account. I've spent $50 in two days for two very small flower beds. I've actually done quite well because I had a discount card for the local home improvement world (I can hardly call such a behemoth a store).

I can feel the age in my limbs after several hours leaning in the garden. But these are pleasant aches -the aches from something fun and relaxing that drives the unrelenting tension away. And what a payoff! I can peep out my window and look at the sunshiney faces of my gerber daisies and their less bold friends swaying in the early autumn (such as it is in Florida) breeze. I put in some lovey ground cover (blue haze?) in the larger bed where my bottle brush tree and gladiolas are bedded down. Then I spent hours -literally hours- wrenching out some sort of invasive vines that seem to be attacking everything in my beds -nearly all of my Mexican Heather has been choked back by these treacherous weeds and they've begun their assault on my rosebushes. The sneaky things have bright pretty small green leaves. Without getting a close up view, I'd thought all my plants were thriving. A couple of days ago while working outdoors, I noticed that all the "pretty" green was some awful murderous weed. GAAAGH!

There's plenty more to do, but it will all have to wait at least a couple of days. I have gardening to do, but it's of a more personal kind. Sometimes one must nurture one's own tender life. Tomorrow we're breaking from routine. Rather than rushing off to church we're rushing off to breakfast out. In place of tiring ourselves doing home improvements and car repairs, we're going to tire ourselves enjoying some family time, maybe a little light shopping, a movie?

Monday (no school -some sort of teacher workday) I'll be taking the kids off to the Museum with some friends. My closest friend and her granddaughter will be coming with us to Tampa to the Museum of Science and Industry. MOSI sounds very serious and stuffy, but is actually quite a bit more child-oriented than most museums. And the little kid inside me loves those hands-on exhibits. I simply can't wait for the planetarium and the IMAX dome theater. Maybe I'm more excited than the kids! Wish us a safe drive -it's only an hour away, but traffic going to Tampa can be pretty hairy.

BTW, thanks for the comments on my previous post. And personal note to Kay, I AM considering using the blog as a bit of my therapy -I'm currently seeing a counselor who's always suggesting I write letters (though most likely not mail them) to those who've caused some of the hurt and negativity in my life. I'm just shying away from putting too much negativity on my blog, lest I drive the few readers I have left away from me. Comments always welcome. Have a lovely weekend. I know I will!

Confession right here in my own personal confessional

Confession is good for the soul, yes? I haven't written ANYTHING on this blog in a shocking 3 months. I confess, there were times that I WAS on the 'puter surfing random triviality and probably could have found the time for a quick post. I just don't know why I haven't bothered. Lazy? Underachiever? More interested in Regis and Kelly during Little Bear's naptime? (not so likely).

So anyway, I read my last post and it sure seemed negative. Made me feel guilty. Don't worry much, EVERYTHING makes me feel guilty. I decide today that I'll try something new. Get things out into the open. Utilizing this post as a private (hah) confessional, I hope to clear my mind of some of my negativity so maybe I can move on.

Confession:

1) I'm fat. Overweight. Hate it. No one else even seems to be bothered about it, but I hate myself for it. HATE MYSELF. I feel ugly and disgusting. It's depressing me and making me procrastinate about dieting and exercising and buying any clothing that might make me look a little better and therefore feel a mite better about myself.

2) I don't do ANYTHING for myself and I feel incredibly guilty if I do. It even stretches as far as buying myself new bras and panties. I'll pick things up and think about all the things that the kids want or would like to have and all the things hubby wants and/or needs and I put everything back and get "presents" for them. I feel guilty to even linger in the bathroom for an extra 5 minutes to finish the chapter I'm on. I feel guilty to just sit quietly reading or relaxing instead of doing housework while Little Bear naps. I feel guilty spending any time at all on the telephone when Kangaroo is home from school and Little Bear is playing. I feel guilty if I get to go to the store for an hour all by myself while Daddy stays with the kids.

3) The one way that I do try to do something for myself is not healthy. I "reward" myself with special chocolates and other fattening junk. And I generally sneak it these things -when one's at school and the other is sleeping or going off to soak in the tub when they're with Daddy and bringing chocolates with me. This is one of the reasons I'm fat. And I feel extreme guilt about that.

4) I have a horrible HORRIBLE relationship with my mother. It's not my fault at all -REALLY and I'm actually going through counseling for it. So that I can convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me and let go of some of THAT guilt.

5) I'm a terrible procrastinator. I can't seem to get anything done until it's the eleventh hour. And sometimes not even then.

6) I often feel like a lousy mother. People are always telling me I'm such a good mom, but I still feel like the worst Mom in the world.

7) I'm pretty sure I'm clinically depressed. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I'm always tired. Everything, including making plans to do something that I enjoy, feels like so much work.

8) I worry incessantly about everything. Sometimes when somethings bugging me I stay awake at night.

9) I'm a total control freak. It stretches into every area of my life and I'm pretty sure it's making everybody around me crazy.

10) I have ZERO patience. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Not one iota.

11) I feel responsiblity for EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY -including how others feel. I feel terrible if I can't help someone resolve whatever problem or worry they have.

12) I occasionally cuss like a sailor. I'm really trying to stop.

13) I can't stand other people being disrespectful or inconsiderate of others. You know them -the aisle blockers, the ones who MUST drive 5-20 miles per hour below the speed limit. The drivers applying make-up, the woman who jumps into the express lane in a packed grocery store even though she clearly has 40, not 20 items, the ass who will look right at me turning my cart with the screaming overtired toddler into a lane at the grocery and still dive in front of my because they are so more important than me and my kid (NOT!!!)

14) I am horrible at saying no to anyone about anything. And when I do force myself I can hardly live with the guilt.

15) All of these things about me drive me crazy, but I rarely do anything to change these behaviors.

Any confessions from any of my readers who have long disappeared or any lurkers?

SORRY!!!!!!!!!

I know.  I know.  I know.  I've just been so busy being Mommy that there are just not enough hours in the day for blogging or even me time.  I'm thrilled to eek out a shower while the little bub is taking his morning nap.

Now he's walking -has been for almost a month.  I have to plan his 1st birthday party.  I'm drowning in a pile of outgrown baby clothes, blankets, and assorted paraphernalia that he only used for a couple of months.  I'd like to give away or consign some or all of it, but hubby has delusions of another child. 

So we've been fine here.  Things have much improved over the past few months.  Now that he's more mobile the little guy can entertain himself a little -at least long enough for me to dash off to the bathroom or fix our lunch.  Brother being home for summer break has also been particularly wonderful this year because the boys have each other so it's not all Mommy all the time.

The heat here is as unbearable as ever.  A couple of months ago our old minivan died so we were kind of forced to buy a new one -that was a large expense that we really hoped to put off one more year.  Now a couple of weeks ago we found major leakage in the attic and had to buy a new roof.  Another very unwanted expense.  We're only half way through the year and we've already spent a large percentage of hubby's annual salary -and I'd been hoping he could finally cut back on the overtime at work. 

I worry constantly about him putting in 82 hour weeks and getting very little sleep.  We're not getting any younger and this can definitely not be good for his health.

Well, life rushes on.  We're doing fine here.  I can't promise any regularity on my blog but I'll try.

Pretty cool poem -I think.

Water can extinguish fire,
but it can not extinguish fear.

If it could wash away loneliness,
I'd need a lot of water around here.

By HR OLDEST SON    

Yesterday was...

Mommy Hell.

For some reason, (I don't know if he's more clingy because of the teething or because Dr. said to cut back a little on the nursing sessions), Baby V.J. cannot live for even .25 seconds without me.  If I venture more than a foot away from him he bursts into dramatic tears.  And he continues to cry, no matter how long I am away from him, until I either pick him up or he exhausts himself and dozes off.  The way he acts you'd think that I never hold and cuddle him or that I'm constantly taking off and leaving him -neither is true.

All of this is tiring and frustrating enough for any mother and that much more so for a very impatient Mom like me.  Top that with a horrendous migraine/tension headache and you can well imagine my pain.  In the morning the headache hadn't quite reached it's peak and I actually thought it might be sinus/allergy related so whilst baby slept through his 1 hour morning nap, I got online to pay some bills and do some shopping for Easter.  Baby Wondertears woke up and was fine until I put him down to play and thought I could take a quick shower while he played in his play yard. HA!  Again I tell you, "HA!"

Of course my headache grew and grew and grew until I was nauseous and could only keep one eye open.  Hopefully today will be better.  We'll see.  Already he's whining because he can't see me from around the corner.  

Oh, yeah -HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (off key)!  Happy birthday to me (also off key)!

Is it just me or...

should there be a law preventing you from having and raising children if you're still dumb enough to believe you look good with your pants hanging so far off your a** that your boxers are completely out of the waist band?  How do they walk in those things?  

We sat behind a young couple in church last week.  Their little boy was out of control.  TOTALLY out of control.  And all I could think was, well maybe if the dad put more time into disciplining his child instead of spending all of his time on his penguin walk to hold his pants up...  Okay, so maybe I shouldn't be thinking that way at church, but who could concentrate with that kid tearing up the hymnals and climbing all over the pews?

So, I have much to say but...

NO TIME TO SAY IT!!!  GRRR....

So how about you people tell me your stories and I post the best one? I would especially appreciate stories about ridiculous parents (regardless of whether or not you yourself as a parent, surely you've witnessed something absurdly stupid, rude, bullyish, or whatever that bears repeating) that you may have run into at school AND bonus points if you let me know how you've dealt with them (if you've dealt with them at all) I promise to at least check the comments twice a day.

And probably next week, or as early as this Friday, things should quiet down for me enough that I'll have time to tell you about the parent that's been bullying me at my son's school pick-up line every day.

Well this weather is sure...

Screwy.  Cold, cold, cold.  VERY warm.  Cold, cold, cold.  Very Warm.  And this time it doesn't appear to be just Florida doing it.  The whole country's having wild weather.  I just saw on the Today show that they're having 34 below zero somewhere in the midwest.  YIKES.  I actually enjoy cold weather, but the idea of anything below zero is horrifying.  That hurts your skin just to walk out the door.  And to think of the utility bills -Jeez.

What's it been like across the pond?

Baby V.J.'s first attempts at typing

wA?  /.               NBVVH                                  M         ,NHM GF   JB  BHHHNMV                   G       NBF                         

BABY V.J.

I actually have no idea how he managed to get it bolded and all caps.  Guess he knows a few keyboard shortcuts that I don't.  ;)

And we return to our regular program already in progress...

Vacation? Not so much. Hubby was sick the week before we left. I was sad that he wasn't completely well when we took off, but pretty surprised and delighted that the kids and I didn't get sick. UNTIL...By the time our 9 plus hours of travel time (including flight time, plane changes, and layovers) were over, ALL of us were sick. Poor sweet baby got the worst of it. Big brother stayed sick for about two to three days. I was sick the whole time. I got better about a week after we got home. I'm now sick again, but in a weird just a high temp, chills and headache kind of way. Baby got the worst of it and was sick for almost three entire weeks. We had to take him to the doctor's while we were down there. Since I don't trust the doctors there, that was a major emotional terror for me. He's much better now. Needless to say the majority of our trip was spent in our bedroom (we own our home down there) with the sick little pumpkin.

It was still nice to spend some time with hubby's extended family, but I feel a little cheated. One thing that did help me a little was the cooking was taken care of by my sister-in-law (though it hardly seemed fair to leave it all to her) and the only cleaning I had to worry about was our bathroom and bedroom. But we also missed out on church, sightseeing, souvenir hunting, the beaches, etc. Oh well. Thank GOD, we're all healthy and safely home. Thanks to everyone for your well wishes with regard to my coping with the new baby. Things ARE getting better, slowly but surely. HR MOMMY

A Sad Admission

I'm having a really hard time dealing with being a mother all over again.  I love my baby.  Really I do.  But I'm feeling really overwhelmed.  He's a difficult baby.  He's easily overstimulated so even a shopping trip turns into a nightmare for me.  He's a cryer and no matter what you do with him at night -rocking, nursing, singing, etc.- the moment his bottom touches the crib he starts wailing and goes on until he works himself into a gasping, sweating, tear soaked mess.  Letting him cry sometimes works.  Other times it just makes matters worse. 

Now he's begun teething and it's getting even more stressful.  We have lots of wonderful moments where he's smiling and giggling and we're enjoying each other, but these horrific crying jags make me feel so overwhelmed and useless.

We're getting ready to go on holiday and though I'm sure we all need a break from the day to day routine, I'm worried about how miserable   it will be for me.  It's going to be messing with V.J.'s schedule and it's going to be unfamiliar surroundings.  We'll be with hubby's family and I'm worried that it will all be too much for me.  I wish I could just stay home alone and let hubby and kiddies go, but that would never work.  V.J.  is nursed and will not take a bottle -of any kind.  We've tried every kind.  I think that if I could just get some time away for an hour or two a day it would really help.  It's pretty hopeless right now.  I can't very well switch him to formula when he won't take a bottle.  And I really don't want to switch him to formula.  I want to give him the best.  I feel so worn out.  And if one more person tells me it gets better I'm going to lose it.  It's NOT getting better.  He'll be four months old Friday and if anything it feels like it's getting worse -of course that could be because everyone keeps telling me it will get better and I thought it would be by now.

Please don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while.  Christmas is this weekend and we're going to be leaving on vacation soon enough.  I won't have access to e-mail while I'm away.  Just pray for me that the vacation will be a positive thing and maybe help me relax.

I'm forever your HR Mommy.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was pulled over this morning by a State Patrolman.  I will admit that he was kind enough -ticketed me for a seat belt violation instead of 18 mph over the speed limit.  In my defense, I didn't even realize I was going that fast until I saw the patrolman coming toward me from the opposite direction and I did immediately ease off the gas, but apparently not soon enough.  Woe is me.  I hope my lead foot has learned its lesson.  Hubby is going to be so disappointed with me.  And that's what bothers me most.  He works so hard for our family and I foolishly squander our money by driving carelessly.

Gotta go now.  I want to throw together everything for one of hubby's favorite meals.