A Sad Admission

I'm having a really hard time dealing with being a mother all over again.  I love my baby.  Really I do.  But I'm feeling really overwhelmed.  He's a difficult baby.  He's easily overstimulated so even a shopping trip turns into a nightmare for me.  He's a cryer and no matter what you do with him at night -rocking, nursing, singing, etc.- the moment his bottom touches the crib he starts wailing and goes on until he works himself into a gasping, sweating, tear soaked mess.  Letting him cry sometimes works.  Other times it just makes matters worse. 

Now he's begun teething and it's getting even more stressful.  We have lots of wonderful moments where he's smiling and giggling and we're enjoying each other, but these horrific crying jags make me feel so overwhelmed and useless.

We're getting ready to go on holiday and though I'm sure we all need a break from the day to day routine, I'm worried about how miserable   it will be for me.  It's going to be messing with V.J.'s schedule and it's going to be unfamiliar surroundings.  We'll be with hubby's family and I'm worried that it will all be too much for me.  I wish I could just stay home alone and let hubby and kiddies go, but that would never work.  V.J.  is nursed and will not take a bottle -of any kind.  We've tried every kind.  I think that if I could just get some time away for an hour or two a day it would really help.  It's pretty hopeless right now.  I can't very well switch him to formula when he won't take a bottle.  And I really don't want to switch him to formula.  I want to give him the best.  I feel so worn out.  And if one more person tells me it gets better I'm going to lose it.  It's NOT getting better.  He'll be four months old Friday and if anything it feels like it's getting worse -of course that could be because everyone keeps telling me it will get better and I thought it would be by now.

Please don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while.  Christmas is this weekend and we're going to be leaving on vacation soon enough.  I won't have access to e-mail while I'm away.  Just pray for me that the vacation will be a positive thing and maybe help me relax.

I'm forever your HR Mommy.