Friday, June 25, 2004

Only in America (maybe -my European guests will have to let me know in the comments, won't they?)

* Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
* Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
* Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
* Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
* Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
* Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
* Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

* Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
* Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
* Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
* Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
* Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
* Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
* You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
* Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Monday will begin my first weekly feature -Mayberry Moments which should include some particular examples of just what Mayberry 2004 is like. Pop in for the first installment.



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