Monday Mayberry Moments Volume -who knows? I lost count.

This week's volume of Monday Mayberry Moments is being brought to you courtesty of the Associate Press. No, it didn't happen here in Mayberry, but it's just goofy and rednecked enough that it could have.

Man Accused of Hitting Woman With Gator

PORT ORANGE, Fla. (AP) - A man hit his girlfriend with a 3-foot alligator and threw beer bottles at her during an argument in the couple's mobile home, authorities said.

David Havenner, 41, was ordered held without bond Saturday on misdemeanor charges of battery and possession of an alligator.

The alligator, which Havenner had been keeping in his bathtub, was turned over to Florida wildlife officials.

Nancy Monico, 39, told investigators that Havenner beat her with his fists, then grabbed the alligator and swung it at her as she tried to escape, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said. She said the animal hit her at least once. She also told authorities that Havenner threw empty beer bottles at her, Davidson said.

Havenner's version of the story differed. He told investigators that Monico bit his hand because she was upset that they had run out of alcohol.

Actually this is the first I've ever heard of an Alligator being used as a weapon.

Detective: Well, have you identified the cause of that erratic reptilian bruising?

Coroner: Well, oddly enough I've identified the scaling as that of a North American Swamp Dwelling Alligator of the Mayberry region of Southwestern Florida. I still can't understand why this woman would have repeatedly rolled herself across it's body.

Detective: It's a puzzler. But what would you say was the cause of death?

Coroner: Death by blunt reptile.