Thursday, January 01, 2004

Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen. Ashley Olsen is single now. Would you like to see the twins? Are you one of those sick perverted son of a bitches who must fantasize about underage girls? Get a grip they're teenagers. You're middle-aged, fat, balding and disgusting. They wouldn't have you if your dick were made of gold.

Ashley Olsen--she of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fame in case you don't recognize her name without her twin's attached to it--has broken up with her longtime boyfriend, 20-year-old Columbia University quarterback Matt Kaplan, a representative for the Olsens tells

Oops! Look at the expression on the twins' faces when the wind catches their skirts.

Although she's only 17, Ashley has been dating Kaplan for three years. And although she's only 17, she has a spokesperson, Michael Pagnotta, who issues reports to the media about the breakup of a teenage love affair. The separation was "amicable." They "parted on good terms." They "wish each other the best." What teenage couple breaks up like that? Where's the angst and tears?

Advice to teen girls: Why you should ditch the boyfriend. Check out this startling new research.

We're relieved to hear from Pagnotta that no third party was involved. It seems it was just too hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. She is in Los Angeles, and he's in New York City. But good news for Ashley's twin, Mary-Kate. She recently began dating David Katzenberg, 21, a Boston University student and the son of DreamWorks studio co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg. "Mary-Kate and David are said to be carrying on just fine," reports Whew! The twins will enter New York University in the fall.

Watch the trailer to the Olsens' new movie, "New York Minute."



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